Tag: self-love

Level Up!!

January 10th, 2025

A new horizon, bold and bright,

Awaits beyond the edge of night.

The page turns crisp, the flame ignites,

Awake—become your higher might.

No echoes bind what’s yet to be,

You rise unshaken, wild, and free.

The scars you wear, the storms you’ve braved—

All fuel the strength you now embrace.

A year of power, fierce and wise,

Of casting limits to the skies,

Of purpose, sharpened, clear, refined—

A level up of heart and mind.

The seeds you’ve sown, now breaking ground,

The voices lost, at last, resound.

You are the spark, the thunder’s call,

The one who dares to rise from all.

So step—unchained from yesteryears,

Let passion quiet lesser fears.

This is the year you claim your name—

Unstoppable. Unbound. Unchanged.
I Saw It

January 5th, 2025

I saw it in the way your eyes met mine,
When my words echoed your thoughts—
The unspoken tether, a glance that said it all.
It’s the same look I give you,
When you see me, truly see me.

I saw it in your consistency, steady and true.
I saw it in the company you keep,
The caliber of souls surrounding you—
Proof that I’ve shifted timelines,
That I now stand in alignment with something greater.

I saw it in your desire to protect me,
A quiet strength, a shield I never had to ask for.
I saw it in the harmony of our energies,
Balanced, synced, like we’ve always known this rhythm.

I saw it in your humor—
Your effortless way of matching me,
Keeping me curious, hungry, alive for more.
I saw it in the high of your presence,
Where energy becomes electric, intoxicating.

I saw it in your authenticity,
Your commitment to the here and now—
The way you stay present, as if nothing else exists.
I felt it in my body, a nervous system at peace,
The kind of trust that doesn’t need explanation,
Effortless, undeniable.

I saw it in the inspiration you leave behind,
Every time you go—
The way your energy lingers, sparking new life in me.
I saw it in the shifts within myself,
Patterns dissolving, old ways falling away.

I saw it in the mutual respect,
The admiration that comes so naturally,
Two souls recognizing themselves in one another.
I saw it in the paths we walk—
The boundaries you hold firm,
Reminders of your integrity, your strength.

I saw it in the laughter you bring,
The kind that fills spaces with light—
This is life’s “sweet spot,”
Where joy is simple, where love breathes freely.

I saw it in the silence, too,
In the unspoken knowing between us—
A spiritual recognition, a soul connection
That needs no words.
We both know.
Soul Fire – That Bitch is Lit

September 4th, 2024

I can feel it.. I feel it in my soul, in my bones, the core of my very being. Its always been there, but now that small flame that everyone else has tried to put out has turned into a fucking forest fire!! A fire of pure passion for life, for unconditional love, for humanity, for compassion towards each and every soul that has tried to stomp it out. Im grateful for all the years of trials and tribulations. For each person who has sucked my soul dry. For each time my path has crossed with a broken soul who’s freely used my light as if it were their own. And I willing gave it to them in desperation of the love I thought they would provide if I’d give just them just a little more of myself. Then they would love me…Someone would love me right??!!

Wrong!! Now I know better! Ive finally found the fountain of unconditional love, and she’s been there all along patiently waiting. Waiting for me to look at her. I heard her faint calls but chose to keep doing things my way because if we put the work in, they would change right? Just work harder, right? Or at least thats what I was told & shown. The alcohol quieted her calls so I could give up more pieces of myself. The pills numbed my blacked chard heart so I could climb the corporate ladder, because thats when they would love me, right??!! They would finally see me, right??!!

Her persistent patience is nothing short of unconditional love. Patiently waiting & watching to see when enough would be enough!! Continuously protecting what was left of the fire, now a small flame dwindling into a faded spark. Sending in a bit more tuff love so I’d finally wake up & she could stop taking all of the hits as well. But I resisted until there was nothing left. The well turned into a desert & yet she sat waiting for me to knock on deaths door and the fire to burn out. Finally! Enough was enough!

Thats when I met her for the first time. She was me. All of me. Everything that was left. I saw a glimmer of what that spark was & started to remember. Remember what it felt like to feel that spark again. As I started to call her back, she grew into a flame. That flame kept me warm while I collected the rest of the pieces I willing gave away to others. As I gathered each piece, she grew bigger and brighter desperately urging me to keep going. “Take another step, you got this”. “If you can do that, you can take one more. If you take another step, next we can walk. If we can walk, we can run. If we can run, we can jump. If we can jump, we can fucking soar”.

That flame burns so fucking bright now that she’s out of control. Unleashing her power has shocked & amazed me. That moment of realization brought me to me knees with tears of utter joy. The waterfalls of tears Ive been told to keep in with the silencing voices of society “dont cry, you’ll be ok” or “dont cry, you’ll get over it” & so so many more reasons why its not pretty to cry. The elation of countless years of suppressing ME that left my body with each drop that fell, was nothing short of pure ecstasy! Ive arrived. She made it home. Home has always been there but it was shrouded the pain of lifetimes so theres no chance of seeing it if you continue to run from it. Walking directly into that fire, gave mine the fuel it desperately needed to see how fucking beautiful I am. The beauty within. Thats where home is, within. After 38 years of tending to other peoples homes, I will NEVER step out on mine again! She’s magic. Now I know this with every part of my being. No one can dim my fire, come in without an invitation, take anything out, have access to the depths without earning it, or disrespect it. My fortress of unconditional love is forever my Queendom & she’s priceless. She rains down love & light guiding the way for others who are still in the depths. No expectations, just an extended hand or a drink of water to ease the burns as you find your way out. I got you!

So watch out!! Sensitive is my heart. Strong is my mind. But my soul… That bitch is damn fire & you can’t burn what’s already lit!
Truth Bomb

August 30th, 2024

Dropping This Truth bomb: Just because your drug dealer takes medical insurance, doesn’t mean they are incentivized to stop writing the scripts for your re-up each month. Sobriety is 100% a choice that always has to come from you. Only you know when it time. This past July marked my 5 year sobriety anniversary from alcohol. I put the drink down and never looked back. HOWEVER, I’ve still been lying to myself or maybe it’s just better to frame it as “I wasn’t ready” or “if the dr keeps giving them to me then I’m not cheating myself”. If you’re an addict (or love one), then you know these internal conversations. After settling into my beautiful home, my body knew it was safe & it’s now time. Time to shed the final darkness that’s no longer serving me. I’m no longer in survival mode & the only way to thrive is to let go of EVERYTHING (people, behaviors, environments, etc) to rise from the ashes as the phoenix I know I am. If I’ve learned anything over this past year, it’s how incredibly capable & strong I am. I’ve done it before so I can do it again! Except this time, I have all of the tools and support I desperately wanted 5 years ago. After being on this drug for over 12 years (5+ pills per day) it’s now time to tear the final addiction claws out for good! Thank you @alex.witters for flushing the remaining bottles of Vicodin & being there to hold my hand through some hard parts. This is what true friendship is. ♥️ Now rounding out one week fully sober and I’m starting to remember the kind of magic that happens when you keep choosing you!

If anyone is struggling with addiction, please know it’s WORTH the work. It’s worth looking your darkness dead in the eyes & saying no more!

Remember, addiction does NOT discriminate! It doesn’t care about race, class, age,etc. I climbed the corporate ladder & achieved societal accolades all while blacking out drunk nightly & high on pills throughout each day. Functional addict. Now that I’m back in recovery, I’m reminded that you are my people. I understand, I see, I know, & I feel, the dark path you’ve / we’ve had to endure. Please reach out if you’re having a hard day or a rough time getting through your initial stages (or all stages) of your recovery process. I love you, you got this & keep going!

#KeepChoosingYou #MagicIsPossible #DanceItAllAway #CantStealMyJoy #LivingInMyAbundanceEra #MoveTheEnergy #SMARTRecovery #SavedMyLife #SecondTimeAround #IfYouFallGetBackOnTheBike #YouCanDoIt
Filled to the Brim With All the Feels

August 28th, 2024

Im having a hard time aligning myself with what I know needs to be done and what will come to pass. Im not sure what the block is but its there. Before when I felt lost, it was a lack of clarity & direction. Now I know I hit jackpot of clarity with the newly found recipe to apply all the puzzle pieces Ive been collecting over this past year. Theres been numerous occasions where Id either write something down or find a piece of information that I knew was relevant. Not sure what it was applicable to or for but I just knew it was something I needed to hold on to as Id eventually know what to do with it . Now that time has come. I truly understand why and where all of these pieces fit & why they are important, but for whatever reason, Im stuck. Ive tested the plan of how Im going to achieve the blog & the book, but each time I go to start, I get overwhelmed. I can see the process playing out once I actually get all of these puzzle pieces in the places as they are meant to be. Spirit guided me step by step on how to actually get this done & yet I still feel blocked, why??

I know I just need to sit down & make the time to pull out all of the puzzle pieces. Meaning I need to gather all of my journals and start putting the order of events together. Creating a timeline. Then roll up my sleeves and get it done.

I think Im getting lost in two things:

1) Structure – Should these entries be in a blog format or in a book? Both/And but how to divide all of the stories & what should be in the book & what should be in the blog? Direction…

2) Reliving the Feelings attached – This is the reason. As I sit here and try to begin the first few entries, I was transported back to the memories as I was truly there again. And these memories are great, however the feelings attached to each are very fresh. With all of the beautiful times Ive had the privilege to experience, each memory is attached to really intense powerful feelings. Overwhelming joy, pure ecstasy, grief – letting go of pieces of myself that no longer serve me, transformation, unconditional love, anger, hurt, unbelievable connection, and so so many more feelings. So I think Im gathering that I need to dig deeper & write about the gratitude I have for EVERYTHING Ive had the privilege to be a part of & how all of this has lead me to truly & completely fall in love with myself.

As the anniversary of lighting the only life Ive ever known on fire is less than 1 month away, flashes of this past year fill my mind. Ive stated several times that I was not in a state of grieving at all since the day I walked out those doors. My only feeling(s) towards it was relief & fear of the unknown. Heartbreak happened years ago. However today, it feels like grief. Grief of letting go of my past self.

2 weeks ago, Lyla & I stepped foot into our new home. Truly ours. Every facet of this house was being remodeled for the past two years specifically for us. The owner may not have known that but I know it within my soul. So with all the changes at play right now, Spirit & my higher self is forcing me to reflect. Sit in the feelings… So this is me listening.

I think (or I know) prior to me leaving my ex I was in such a state of numbness or stuck in a repetitive state of escapism. The many years of alcoholism & steady flow of drugs (any & all except for crack..lol) kept me in everyones else’s boxes. Boxes of who I should be or how I should act in any given circumstance. Not once did I ever even think that I had a choice in the matter. It seems so trivial now but it truly did feel that way. Consistently looking outward for answers. “Why can’t I get my life together? There is so much I want but I feel like I’m running in quick sand. How were others able to achieve their dreams? Oh right, dreams are for people who are not married or they are men” or any other excuse I could find to avoid looking at me.

The moment I left, I literally felt the chains of everyone else’s opinion of me break. The chains around my heart, chains that clocked my tongue, chains that were slowly sinking me to the depths of no return, death! Freedom is something I’ll never take for granted. The liberation that coated my soul is the second chance I never thought was possible or meant for me. That night I made that promise to myself (“from here on out, you only choose you”) shifted something within me that could never be undone. I felt myself stepping into ME. But I didn’t know who “me” was.

As I drove away, I watched my life burning in my review mirror. I had nothing.. No home, no family, no support, no direction, no idea what was in store for me let alone, Lyla. I did however have a plethora of fear. “How am I going to tell Lyla that I just blew our lives up? She’s going to hate me! Her whole life is forever changed because of a potential selfish decision I made because I couldn’t take it anymore.” And so so many more fear based ideas that played on an endless loop in my head. Never in a million years did I think my / our lives would turn out the way it has just within the first few months of this life altering decision.

I think this is what chokes me up the most. Ive held myself back & consciously stayed in a toxic situation for so many years because of fear. As Ive spoken about in other posts, not one of these fears came to fruition. NOT ONE! In fact, It was the complete opposite. After understanding how an Awakening happens, I can now see how Sprit delivered these graceful lessons in such a beautiful loving way. After I left, every fear that I held onto prior was highlighted to show me the complete opposite. For example, my biggest fear was Lyla hating me. Now don’t get me wrong, she suffered in this transition, however she gained understanding. She was able to see the difference in the way our day to day interactions & existence was now peaceful. No more abusive yelling & fighting between mom & dad. No more walking on egg shells. I saw peace fill her soul & truly saw my daughter’s authentic light for the first time. This has strengthen & solidified our bond to be unshakable. My hopes are that one day she’ll understand what an incredible role she had in fixing the brokenness within me with every tear she wiped from my eyes while I rebuilt our life. A true authentic warrior, my best friend. Now she gets to see how she can create her dream life without the trauma. Or at least she has a peaceful sanctuary to rest her weary soul when times get tuff; because they will. She will one day carry the torch I lit so much further than I can even imagine. And this was just the beginning of the endless lessons I was about to embark on…
Look at You Stepping Into The Next Chapter!!

August 11th, 2024

My heart is bursting with an overwhelming sense of joy and gratitude! It’s nearly impossible to fully express what this life transition means to me, but I’m going to give it my all because I believe it’s my responsibility to share this journey so others know it’s absolutely possible.

This was the week of the big move, and I am beyond ready for this next chapter. It feels as though my entire life has been leading up to this moment. Everything had to unfold exactly as it did so I could become strong enough, wise enough, grateful enough, and emotionally prepared enough to embrace this massive transition. Before I got sober, I wasn’t ready. Before I got honest with myself, I wasn’t ready. Before I chose myself, I wasn’t ready. Before I fully stepped into the entirety of who I am, I wasn’t ready. But over this past year, I’ve been fully armed and prepared. I kept saying, “I feel like I’m being trained for something,” and it’s clear now that it was all for this next phase of my life. I realize that if I had been blessed with these beautiful gifts any earlier, I wouldn’t have been able to respect or appreciate them as I do now.

I’m beyond grateful to cross the threshold of our new beautiful home, equipped with all the knowledge gained from every lesson, every hardship, every tear shed—whether in joy or grief—every authentic connection, and, most importantly, the profound understanding of who I truly am and what I’m capable of. So often, we give away our power without even realizing it. We seek outside validation, absorb fear from media-driven chaos, doom-scroll through social media, and listen to others’ opinions instead of trusting ourselves. We stay confined in the box society has built for us. But when you’re completely drained of energy and power, it becomes impossible to see any of this. You’ve exhausted your energetic system to the point where there’s not a drop left to check in with yourself. And that’s how they win—by stripping away your power and distracting you from the most beautiful gift you can give yourself and your children: the courage to say, “Fuck this. I’m doing life my way.” The moment I felt those chains break, the chains that bound me to every role I was “supposed” to play, was the moment I stepped into my own liberation. And it’s nothing short of magical.

I truly see ME now—all of me—and she’s fucking beautiful, overflowing with love for herself and the world around her. The first lesson I learned when I set my life on fire and walked away was this: Trust Yourself. Every difficult decision, big or small, brought me back to that simple truth. Each time I trusted myself, I felt a surge of strength, a sense of leveling up. This theme carried me for months until it became ingrained in my very being. Trusting yourself is such a basic concept, yet it’s profoundly transformative. A year ago, I wouldn’t have believed I was strong enough to buy my dream home on my own. It wasn’t even a possibility in my mind. But now, 11 months after leaving a 20-year toxic marriage, cutting ties with a very toxic mother, finding my soul tribe, discovering that true unconditional love exists, and stepping into my new home—I see that all of this was meant for me, even though I couldn’t see it at the time.

Now, I get to create the life I’ve always dreamed of for Lyla and myself. Grateful doesn’t even begin to capture these feelings, but here are a few words that do: #Brave, #Authentic, #ChoosingMyself, #Courageous, #Genuine, #UnconditionalLove, #Connection, #Warrior, #DoingTheWork, #Fearless, #InService, #Light, #Inspirational, #StudentForLife, and most of all, deeply #Spiritual (NOT Fucking Religious), #ConnectedToEnergy.

With all that said, I owe a special thank you to myself. You stood in the face of fear and said, “Give me your best shot.” I’m so fucking proud of your ability to walk out of the fire and return to bring water to those still in the flames. Continue to stand in awe of who you are. Keep shining your light so fucking bright that it blinds the naysayers and guides those who need your unconditional love. Remember who you are and what you came here to do. I love you. You’ve got this. Keep going.

❤ Always,

You
I Trust the Next Chapter Because I Know the Author!!

July 23rd, 2024

I debated & meditatied on what my first post should be and came to the same conclusion I always do, Trust Yourself & Just Start!! So we’re running with that. This is going to be an evolution of what’s to come. So bear with me as these words flow from the depths of my soul, heart & mind…

This past year has truly rocked my soul to its core in the most beautiful unexpected way. September 2023, I finally found the courage to leave a 20 year toxic marriage. Hands down the most difficult decision Ive ever made. It wasn’t about me (or so I told myself). Prior to leaving, all I kept telling myself is “I can’t blow up my kids lives” “Its not fair to them” “They didn’t ask for this” the excuses went on and on swirling in my brain on an endless loop. However the chaos outside my mind was intensifying minute to minute. Every day I was losing more and more of myself. This is the unfortunate side affect when the tornado in your 3D reality is fueled by narcissistic abuse. You can’t tell if up is down or if right is left or who you even are or were anymore. I tired so hard to “make it work” for so many years using societal advice & doing what I was told would work to fix me because clearly I was the problem. I can see now that each time I “tried”, I gave my power away. Thats the beauty of hindsight & distance. So once my soul finally had enough, I broke the chains that have been wrapped around my heart & tongue for 38 years & haven’t looked back. Until now… This is the story of what is possible on the other side when you start choosing yourself.