I can feel it.. I feel it in my soul, in my bones, the core of my very being. Its always been there, but now that small flame that everyone else has tried to put out has turned into a fucking forest fire!! A fire of pure passion for life, for unconditional love, for humanity, for compassion towards each and every soul that has tried to stomp it out. Im grateful for all the years of trials and tribulations. For each person who has sucked my soul dry. For each time my path has crossed with a broken soul who’s freely used my light as if it were their own. And I willing gave it to them in desperation of the love I thought they would provide if I’d give just them just a little more of myself. Then they would love me…Someone would love me right??!!

Wrong!! Now I know better! Ive finally found the fountain of unconditional love, and she’s been there all along patiently waiting. Waiting for me to look at her. I heard her faint calls but chose to keep doing things my way because if we put the work in, they would change right? Just work harder, right? Or at least thats what I was told & shown. The alcohol quieted her calls so I could give up more pieces of myself. The pills numbed my blacked chard heart so I could climb the corporate ladder, because thats when they would love me, right??!! They would finally see me, right??!!

Her persistent patience is nothing short of unconditional love. Patiently waiting & watching to see when enough would be enough!! Continuously protecting what was left of the fire, now a small flame dwindling into a faded spark. Sending in a bit more tuff love so I’d finally wake up & she could stop taking all of the hits as well. But I resisted until there was nothing left. The well turned into a desert & yet she sat waiting for me to knock on deaths door and the fire to burn out. Finally! Enough was enough!

Thats when I met her for the first time. She was me. All of me. Everything that was left. I saw a glimmer of what that spark was & started to remember. Remember what it felt like to feel that spark again. As I started to call her back, she grew into a flame. That flame kept me warm while I collected the rest of the pieces I willing gave away to others. As I gathered each piece, she grew bigger and brighter desperately urging me to keep going. “Take another step, you got this”. “If you can do that, you can take one more. If you take another step, next we can walk. If we can walk, we can run. If we can run, we can jump. If we can jump, we can fucking soar”.

That flame burns so fucking bright now that she’s out of control. Unleashing her power has shocked & amazed me. That moment of realization brought me to me knees with tears of utter joy. The waterfalls of tears Ive been told to keep in with the silencing voices of society “dont cry, you’ll be ok” or “dont cry, you’ll get over it” & so so many more reasons why its not pretty to cry. The elation of countless years of suppressing ME that left my body with each drop that fell, was nothing short of pure ecstasy! Ive arrived. She made it home. Home has always been there but it was shrouded the pain of lifetimes so theres no chance of seeing it if you continue to run from it. Walking directly into that fire, gave mine the fuel it desperately needed to see how fucking beautiful I am. The beauty within. Thats where home is, within. After 38 years of tending to other peoples homes, I will NEVER step out on mine again! She’s magic. Now I know this with every part of my being. No one can dim my fire, come in without an invitation, take anything out, have access to the depths without earning it, or disrespect it. My fortress of unconditional love is forever my Queendom & she’s priceless. She rains down love & light guiding the way for others who are still in the depths. No expectations, just an extended hand or a drink of water to ease the burns as you find your way out. I got you!

So watch out!! Sensitive is my heart. Strong is my mind. But my soul… That bitch is damn fire & you can’t burn what’s already lit!